How to Gain Confidence - I am a Failure
http://www.mymeditationcoach.com/articles/8266/1/How-to-Gain-Confidence---I-am-a-Failure/Page1.html
Eednak Nagum
Eednak Nagum is a writer for the website: <a href="http://howtogainconfidence.net/" title="http://howtogainconfidence.net/" target="_blank">http://howtogainconfidence.net/</a> the home of Doctor K's 30 Day Confidence Builder Progam. For other confidence tips also visit: <a href="http://ezinearticles.com/?Confidence-Can-Be-Learned&id=3031289" title="http://ezinearticles.com/?Confidence-Can-Be-Learned&id=3031289" target="_blank">http://ezinearticles.com/?Confidence-Can-Be-Learned&id=3031289</a> By Eednak Nagum
Published on 03/15/2010
“I am a failure”
It’s something many of us have said to ourselves in moments of despair and self-pity Especially when things are going badly, we can feel like we have not succeeded in our lives
“I am a failure”
It’s something many of us have said to ourselves in moments of despair and self-pity. Especially when things are going badly, we can feel like we have not succeeded in our lives. It can destroy our confidence.
The thing to remember is that the words we choose to express our emotions can be very powerful. You might be feeling bad about something, but saying to yourself “I am a failure” is only going to make things worse. Sure, there is a part of you that gets comfort out of making yourself feel worse, but part of making progress in your self-development is making better choices. Training yourself to make better choices when you are feeling down is part of learning how to gain confidence.
The problem with “I am a failure” is that it makes you generalize. It is usually one thing in one area of your life that goes wrong and puts you in a negative mood. That negative mood makes you look around at other areas of your life and try and spot the things that are going wrong. As they say, if you look for it, you will find it. So you will invariably find things that are “wrong” about other areas in your life.
Once the momentum is there, you can look at any area of your life and find something wrong with it. By the process of generalizing, you take one thing that has gone wrong and turn it into a whole life worth of poor results. You can even take it a step further and not just focus on everything that is going wrong now, but cast a negative eye over your history. And it is a short step towards declaring that you have never achieved anything in life. And of course if you fall into the trap of thinking that you have been a lifelong underachiever, then it’s not hard to think “I am a failure”.
But where did this all begin? It began, probably with a poor performance in one task. That’s how it usually begins. You fail one test. You strike out with one girl. You miss out on a job interview. But by letting yourself get carried away with your thoughts, you turn one bad situation into “I am a failure”.
If you can catch yourself at the beginning of this little ride, it’s a great thing. Another great thing to remember is to ask yourself 2 questions. Is thinking like this making me feel good? And is thinking like this going to help me achieve my goals. The answer is a resounding no on both counts.
Generalizing from one task to your entire life is common but it doesn’t have to be. Be vigilant. Catch yourself doing it. Remind yourself that the poor performance only relates to that one area and that any spill over of emotions to other areas of life is because you are generalizing. If you can do this, you will find it is much easier to maintain confidence in even the most difficult situations.
It’s something many of us have said to ourselves in moments of despair and self-pity. Especially when things are going badly, we can feel like we have not succeeded in our lives. It can destroy our confidence.
The thing to remember is that the words we choose to express our emotions can be very powerful. You might be feeling bad about something, but saying to yourself “I am a failure” is only going to make things worse. Sure, there is a part of you that gets comfort out of making yourself feel worse, but part of making progress in your self-development is making better choices. Training yourself to make better choices when you are feeling down is part of learning how to gain confidence.
The problem with “I am a failure” is that it makes you generalize. It is usually one thing in one area of your life that goes wrong and puts you in a negative mood. That negative mood makes you look around at other areas of your life and try and spot the things that are going wrong. As they say, if you look for it, you will find it. So you will invariably find things that are “wrong” about other areas in your life.
Once the momentum is there, you can look at any area of your life and find something wrong with it. By the process of generalizing, you take one thing that has gone wrong and turn it into a whole life worth of poor results. You can even take it a step further and not just focus on everything that is going wrong now, but cast a negative eye over your history. And it is a short step towards declaring that you have never achieved anything in life. And of course if you fall into the trap of thinking that you have been a lifelong underachiever, then it’s not hard to think “I am a failure”.
But where did this all begin? It began, probably with a poor performance in one task. That’s how it usually begins. You fail one test. You strike out with one girl. You miss out on a job interview. But by letting yourself get carried away with your thoughts, you turn one bad situation into “I am a failure”.
If you can catch yourself at the beginning of this little ride, it’s a great thing. Another great thing to remember is to ask yourself 2 questions. Is thinking like this making me feel good? And is thinking like this going to help me achieve my goals. The answer is a resounding no on both counts.
Generalizing from one task to your entire life is common but it doesn’t have to be. Be vigilant. Catch yourself doing it. Remind yourself that the poor performance only relates to that one area and that any spill over of emotions to other areas of life is because you are generalizing. If you can do this, you will find it is much easier to maintain confidence in even the most difficult situations.